– There is someone I think I really like…
– I think he likes me, too.
S: — Good. So what’s the problem?
– There is no problem. But I think he will not be up for anything serious.
S: — Do YOU want something serious?
– I do! I always have…
S: — This is right. Even your one-night stands are serious.
– Stuart! You know me too well!
In the past year and a half I’ve been pushing myself to practice letting go and non-attachment. While difficult and painful at times, my mindfulness towards the way I relate to people resulted in more understanding of the relationship dynamics, more freedom and ultimately more love.
I noticed that time is more irrelevant than we actually imagine. That the fact I can not have a long-term relationship with someone (because he lives on another continent, for example) does not mean that I can not love him. I found out that deep connection can be achieved no matter for how long you have known someone, just as you might never develop a deep relationship with someone even if you spend months or years together. I realized that my princess’ conceptions of what my ideal lover should be like are limiting me; that the more I try to fit people in my predetermined ideas of what things should be like, the less satisfied I am. Thus, I’ve been practicing letting go of expectations and giving people the floor to love me in their own unique ways.
I learned to value the present moment more than the promises or hopes for a distant happy future. I don’t understand why people are so obsessed with figuring out ways to keep things the same, stay in touch and reproduce what they’ve had. Meeting on the first place is what I find the most truly amazing: intersecting each other’s lives among billions of other people and transforming ourselves in unexpected ways alone is already so much!
I found out that at times of deep resonance with someone, the sexual expression of this equilibrium of energies is just a natural progression of the act of sharing. Another way to converse and learn about each other and from each other.
And whenever I engage in it, it is because in that very moment I love the person. Here and Now.
Now, someone may say this is not true love because it might not last, but I oppose to this. I find it hypocritical to claim you can love someone forever or even as much as your life lasts. You can not know this! But you can know whether or not you love a person right at that very same moment. Oh, you can. You feel it with every part of your Self.
Sometimes love indeed lasts a moment. Still it revives something in us. It brings us hope, it brings insights. Or just feels so good, so warm! Other times it goes on: we meet with someone and experience love now after now. There are as many scenarios as there are people on the Earth and each one is beautiful, meaningful. And love is always different, unique and never the same.
I don’t regret and I won’t excuse myself for loving a lot and loving many in my life.
And I definitely want more (Love ;P)!